if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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