Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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