I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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