Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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