I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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