Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
