pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
