i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
