good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
