can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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