I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
