she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
