IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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