Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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