so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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