We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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