Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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