Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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