we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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