Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
