It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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