so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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