you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
