im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
