i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
