Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
