We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
