I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
