So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
