when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't deserve a penis
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
