just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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