WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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