I'm jealous of your bromance
Your dad touched me again.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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