i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
