Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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