cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
