Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
