she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
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We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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