champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
