Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
