then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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