Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
