im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
