I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
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Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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