Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
