Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
