hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
