At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
