tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
