I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
