he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
