I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
