Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
