The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize