fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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