it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
