hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
