everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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