just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
